Sex detox: recharge desire, revitalize intimacy, rejuvenate your love life
Sex detox: recharge desire, revitalize intimacy, rejuvenate your love life
Sex detox: recharge desire, revitalize intimacy, rejuvenate your love life
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Price: $8.48 FREE for Members
Type: eBook
Publisher: William Morrow
Page Count: 253
Format: pdf
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0061136077
ISBN-13: 9780061136078
User Rating: 4.6667 out of 5 Stars! (3 Votes)

Sex detox: recharge desire, revitalize intimacy, rejuvenate your love life ebook

Ian Kerner download

From the New York Times bestselling author of She Comes First and Be Honest—You're Not That Into Him Either comes a revolutionary 30-day program to detoxify and rejuvenate your love life

The premise is simple: When it comes to sex, dating, and relationships, sometimes we get in so deep the only way out is to start over again. For many of us—whether we're in a relationship, or actively dating in the hopes of finding that someone special—our love lives have become a source of toxicity. Sex Detox offers a revolutionary way to start fresh and take action.

Just as a physical fast will rapidly alter your metabolism and natural body chemistry, so too will a sex or dating detox impact your mind and body, enabling you to reset, rewire, and ultimately rejuvenate your love life. In this practical, life-changing guide, Ian Kerner lays out a friendly, achievable 30-day course of action that will help you turn off the noise, take a necessary pause, and rebuild your love life from the inside out.

If you're in a relationship, you'll learn to see your sexual history not just as a series of physical encounters, but rather as a unique and vital part of your identity, which needs to be nurtured and fed in healthy ways. You'll experience the "thrill of the chaste" and learn how to touch your partner with a renewed sense of passion and possibility. If you're single, the dating detox will give you a chance to step off the dating treadmill, catch your breath, and recover inner strength for the road ahead. You'll recalibrate your aspirations to connect to potential mates from a place of strength and self-knowledge.

Whether you're single or coupled, Sex Detox will enable you to achieve the relationship results you deserve.

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| 4 out of 5 Stars!

half is for married couples, half is for single people

I am just reviewing the first half of the book (p.1-134), which relates to marriage, and not the second half of the book which is for single people (p.1-23, 137-227).

Chapter 1: Introduction (off-putting infomercial)

The Detox (30 days of abstinence) works much like the way an elimination diet is used to screen for allergies; it is followed up of anticipation. Christmas everyday is no Christmas at all.

Chapter 3: The Psychology of the Detox (jargon fire hose)
Chapter 4: Learning How to Read Your Love Map (get ready to journal)

Chapter 5 & 6: Detox (30 days of abstinence with 6 Modules)

1. Starting Up: a general diagnostic test
2. Your Sexual Health: what you eat, how much you sleep, and your level of activity matters
3. Sexual Socialization: the influence of your parents' relationships and your concepts of gender
4. Previous Relationships: all the way back to your kindergarten boyfriend; a catalogue of firsts (though first is not necessarily the most significant)
5. Navigating Your Love Map: memories, triggers, fantasies, poles
6. The Here and Now: evaluating the status of your current relationship and improving intimacy to boost desire

Modules I Liked More Than Disliked:

Module 5: Not since keeping a dream journal in high school have I had so much fun with navel gazing. Conceptualizing your individual sexuality as a map is perfect; it makes me think of Bjork's Pagan Poetry, of the Neverland maps in Peter Pan, of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Module 6: At first glance, the suggestion to increase intimacy to boost desire seems to run counter to the idea of the whole book. Isn't intimacy the opposite of novelty? Isn't intimacy the bedfellow of serotonin? In fact, intimacy (understood as trust, warmth, safety, closeness) is necessary for novelty to be possible. Once you have burned through the freebie novelty that comes with a new relationship or a new marriage, you have to be confident and comfortable enough to initiate and explore new experiences. You have to be able to discuss fantasies, make suggestions, and have feedback.

Chapter 7: Rejuvenation (Sensate Focus, and not the junk version from I'd Rather Eat Chocolate; well worth reading)

Criticisms of the Book:

1. Since half of this book is for marital sex and half is for hook-up sex, the only way you could use this whole book is if you were in an open relationship. If I ever find myself in one, I suppose I will be glad to have a single text that addresses both the dopamine-deprivation of a long-term partner and the dopamine-whiplash of new partners. Until then, I would rather just have the material that is actually relevant to me. It's all the more annoying when I feel like the marriage half could've been a full length book if it had been properly fleshed out. Each topic seems to have gotten a relatively superficial treatment. To fill it out, I read this with another of his books, Passionista (or in its better-titled version He Comes Second); they share a lot of material.

2. The "quizzes" could be much better. Module 1: The diagnostic is way too short and is generic in its scoring system; it's essentially a 25 question magazine quiz. Module 4: Even though all of my responses were situated on the extremes, I am supposedly in the middle because that's how mathematical averages work.

3. He says in the book: "One thing that is very important for you to keep in mind is that, whether you are undertaking this program with or without your partner, you are not going into it alone. Visit [...], where the Sex Detox experience continues." Only it doesn't, because the only thing at that website is the opportunity to buy his books and take the diagnostic quiz in this book: [...]

4. The book badly needs proofreading.

| 5 out of 5 Stars!

Do-It-Yourself Sex Therapy: Ian Kerner Takes the Mystery Out of the Psychoanalyst's Couch

Ian Kerner is a gifted writer with deep insights into sex and relationships. He's the best sex writer I have ever encountered, quite possibly the best of his generation.

Kerner's work avoids the easy mistakes of most sex manuals: there are no catalogs of impossible sex positions (anatomically speaking, he says, there are only four); there's no disembodied, parental voice dispensing intimate advice (instead, Kerner bares his own humiliating experiences as a sex therapy patient), and most importantly, there is no large collection of sex facts, lacking synthesis or interpretation.

Kerner has a firm grip on anatomy and physiology, but he also understands that sex isn't all about the physical. It's more about what's in our minds-- our psychology, cultural background, genetics, and evolutionary history. I get the feeling that Ian Kerner knows what really makes us tick as sexual beings.

With his newest book, Sex Detox, Kerner offers what many of us could use but few would avail ourselves of-- several sessions of helpful and revealing sex therapy. Instead of visiting a live therapist, we are guided help manual. Sex Detox is designed to accommodate singles who are dating, partners who want therapy together, or coupled people whose partners are not interested in therapy.

Sex Detox is modeled partly on a 12-step program. There are daily exercises and writings, and the plan asks abstinence from dating (if you are single) or sex (if you are coupled) for 30 days, with an eye towards recharging your sex life. Following the full course involves an assessment of your physical health, childhood experiences, and dating experiences.

Most challenging is a section on finding your own "love map". This is the unique combination of physical and psychological factors that turn you on or off. Our "love maps", it seems, are important because they issue from deep within our psyche (the fountain of most artistic creativity), providing the raw material crucial to keeping sex fresh and original in a long-term relationship.

I decided to give Kerner's Sex Detox a try. The resulting analysis of my issues seems right-on: repression from a Catholic upbringing, coupled with an inborn tendency to analyze things rather than live in the moment. When was time to write about past erotic or "peak" experiences, with an eye towards drawing my love map, I was embarrassed. I could remember great sex, bad sex, fantasies, and crushes, but no single erotic experience stood out as unique, a seamless blending of my mental and physical eros.

Kerner is clearly attempting to introduce some Eastern-style mindfulness into our Western relationships. He deserves credit for taking on this gargantuan task. He perceives, and rightly so, that mindfulness would help couples appreciate each other on a daily basis and make them more likely to stick together in hard times. In addition, Kerner's gentle introduction to the relationship between our unconscious mind and our sexual self strikes just the right note. Although this material is clearly Freudian in origin, the manner in which it's presented is more intriguing than threatening. This is stuff we all need to know in order to have a creative, fulfilling relationship and sex life.

Ian Kerner is a man who has found his Tao, his way, and his mission in life. His work benefits us all, and I hope we will appreciate Sex Detox for the gift that it is.

| 5 out of 5 Stars!

Sex Detox a great way to rediscover intimacy


Sex Detox is not what you expect. Or maybe it is. A few years ago, Sting was on Oprah. Oprah wanted to know if the rumors were true: Did Sting and his wife 'do it' in every room of the house? Yes, Sting said.

Sting was supposedly talking about the Kama Sutra, but what he was really talking about were the marathon love sessions, made up of kissing for hours on end on the couch, whereupon one of the kids usually walked day program to help rejuvenate their love life, -and we cannot seem to make them whole...We have lost too many pieces along the way to gather ourselves up because deep down we believe we are doomed to stumble again...While our cultural exposure to sex has heightened in the last decade, our level of personal satisfaction has plummeted to a staggering low, with sexual dissatisfaction being cited more often than ever as a primary cause of divorce...

...It's time to take sex off the table so we can, once and for all, truly feast on love..."

And so begins Kerner's book. He recommends people go on a 'sex fast' for 30 days and 30 nights, whereday program is divided in to sections and chapters within the book.

In Part 1: Getting Started: Kerner requests that people abstain from sexual activity so they can 'do without to eventually have it all'.

The most important sub-section I found in in Part I, was How to Read Your Love Map - a term first coined in the 1980s eyed, 36-24-36 or tall, dark, handsome. In fact, it has little to do with these physical attributes.

As an example Kerner uses in the couples Detox, he talks about a woman he calls "Kristine" - a young mother who begins to realize, that - like her own mother, she takes little time for heself - a woman who characterized herself as 'an unsexy mom' who had difficulty sorting the noise of daily life and errands from her mental and emotional life so she could focus on her own priorities - a woman who felt panic and anxiety during the breathing exercises - a woman who focused more on the other - of husband and children - than on her own self, so that she was effectively obliterating heself and her own needs from the picture.

Sex Detox includes a detox diary, questionnaires and breathing exercises. These can be very helpful for people to get in touch with loving themselves as they really are and knowing who they really are and what they really want in life.

I think this is a very helpful book for both singles and couples.

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